


Peace of Mind

by Zippit



Category: Without a Trace
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-09-04
Updated: 2004-09-04
Packaged: 2017-10-12 04:53:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/121010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zippit/pseuds/Zippit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a sleepless night, he's driven to the strangest of places to ease his torment and he doesn't know why. (Set during and after Legacy)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peace of Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks go to [nekosmuse](http://nekosmuse.livejournal.com) and [wliberation](http://wliberation.livejournal.com) for betaing. All other errors are mine.

Most people would find the place unsettling; guns always going off, the smell of gunpowder everywhere, and the knowledge that those around them are the ones protecting them on the street. To some, the place is as mundane as a grocery store, and then to others it's just a necessary ordeal to get through. It is to the rare few that it is anything else.

He finds the shooting range soothing, a place of refuge when the world becomes too much to handle. He's here this early morning, hoping to rid himself of the images that made him bolt upright in bed at two in the morning. He'd barely been able to suppress the choked cry that had almost clawed its way out of his throat. He tried getting back to sleep but as soon as he neared it, he was driven back. He wandered around his apartment for awhile, trying everything to stop the images whirling around in his mind. He tried working out, watching TV, reading a book...nothing worked. He managed to waste enough time for the shooting range to have opened, though.

The first time he'd told someone about the effect the shooting range had on him, they'd stared at him as if he was crazy. From then on he never disclosed that little piece of information to anyone. He couldn't really explain why he found the place soothing, he just did. Maybe it had something to do with being able to completely free his mind of all thought and focus entirely on the firing of every bullet. For him, it's the equivalent of running, or the other equally mindless things people do to still the thoughts in their heads.

He's almost ready to start firing. He stills after loading the cartridge. The images that kept him awake are back, flowing across his mind's eye. They drag him in, envelop him in the moments they capture. He struggles to escape, to prevent himself from reliving those moments, to break the spell they have over him. He almost succeeds, avoiding most of the reminders of horrors he's seen and mistakes he's made, but one lingers.

Finally, after what is only a moment but an eternity to him, he starts firing. He loses himself in the action of shooting.

Fire.

Recoil.

Fire.

Recoil.

His mind is blessedly numb but the cartridge is empty now. He waits as the target moves towards him, desperately trying to keep the images at bay.

 _Good, all shots dead center, set up new target, load cartridge, begin firing._

Now he can return to that place where nothing but the gun exists.

Several cartridges later he has to leave. He doesn't want to, but he must or risk being late and drawing more attention to himself. He's spent more time here than he thought. Now he doesn't even have time to return home and shave. He hopes that the time spent here is enough for his control to have returned.

~*~*~*~

The day doesn't go well. His unshaven face draws the attention of his boss and then the concern of his coworkers. He didn't want that. Nor did he want that one image to refuse to leave him alone; it plagues him all day, popping up whenever he manages to forget for awhile. Tormenting him so much that he even asks Vivian if she was okay with the incident the image keeps making him relive. She's the only other person who knows the truth about what happened, the only one he can turn to for help. But not this time; the advice she gives him is only a regurgitation of the advice he learnt from the training courses.

He loses his control when interviewing the son, Sean Stanley, about a suspect. That definitely draws his boss' concern. He regains what little control he has left and manages to hold on to it for the rest of the case but just barely.

He's extremely glad that Danny was preoccupied with something else. Otherwise, Danny would have grown concerned and set out to find out what was wrong. Leading to questions he didn't want to answer.

It's the first time all day that they've spent together as they wander out into the hallway for a break. He sinks into the chair next to Danny as he replies to something said, his tone tired and broken. He sees the concern building in Danny's eyes, but a break in the case saves him before that concern can be voiced. Their suspect has been determined and they rush off to his address, fearing the worst has happened to their victim.

When he enters their suspect's apartment, he's sickened at the filthiness there. He watches as George Stanley is confirmed alive, and he remains in his observer's role as controlled chaos erupts when medics, police, and CSU arrive at the scene.

It suddenly becomes too much. The sleepless night, the images plaguing him, and now this gruesome crime scene. He steps to the door, tries to get some air to clear his head. For a second he thinks that he managed to escape the notice of everyone but Viv calls him back. So he goes, back into that room that holds such pain for one family.

~*~*~*~

s a full smile on his face, the first one in several days. He heads home now, knowing that the images haunting him have been put to rest. At least for now. 


End file.
